Confessions of a Substitute Mommy

When did parenting become throwing your child into the arms of a nanny?

I have potty trained toddlers. I have taught children their numbers and their ABC's. I have taken children to the zoo to see monkeys for the first time. I have bandaged scraped knees, I have soothed bruised egos, I have taught children how to swim. I have witnessed the transformation of a bumbling 1 year old to a jibber-jabbering curly-haired three year old. I have seen the obsession transition from pirates to legos to matchbox cars to science experiments to soccer. I have taught siblings that pulling hair, pushing, and calling your sister a "poo-poo face" is not appropriate. Who am I? I'm not the mother. I am the nanny.

Parents cannot have the best of both worlds. Dad cannot have a full-time/over-time fulfilling ladder-climbing career while Mom has a full-time/over-time fulfilling ladder-climbing career and still adequately pour into the lives of their children and give them the love that they deserve.

Not to mention the fact that many times when both parents work outside of the home, the cost of taxes and childcare eat away at the second additional income. The second income then becomes just about the individual's fulfillment and purpose rather than the money. I understand that, but staying at home and raising children is equally if not more fulfilling than working outside the home. I know that many will disagree, but would you rather the "hired help" witness your baby's first steps instead of you? Would you rather your child accidentally call the nanny "mommy" occasionally and forget who actually runs the household?

I wouldn't.

Confessions of a Bachelor's Degree Holder

I have spent over five years as a child care provider and see myself doing it for at least another year or two. I always saw myself being a nanny, babysitter, family assistant, or nursery worker, only for as long as I needed to. But in this economy, it seems like a Bachelor's Degree, international and volunteer experience, and additional teaching certifications does not land you in the job you want. Thus, grad school looms. When I attend friend's bachelor's degree graduations, inside I feel a pang of sadness and a bit of cynicism. I see these bright, shining smiles, full of hope and expectation and I realize they don't see the next few days, months, years of job searching, of employers telling you you don't have enough experience, of bills looming and your job as a barista just not cutting it.

Society and the education system don't really tell us of the horrors that await after graduation. If you aren't in a super "high-demand" field like engineering, computer sciences, or medicine, it seems like you are destined to work as a nanny, barista, mall kiosk attendant or landscaper until you hit the end of your rope and cave in to graduate school, some other technical school or just jump ship and teach English overseas. Ok, I know, I am making massive generalizations here, but coming from my experience, and many others like me, getting a BA (in addition to thousands of dollars in school loans) doesn't necessarily bolster you up for success. Employers want experience. How do you get experience? BY GETTING A JOB. How can you get a job? By getting experience. You sense where I am going here.

I don't have an answer to this conundrum. Something needs to change. Schools need to stop spewing out 10x more teaching degree graduates than there are jobs. Schools need to analyze the reality of the market. Adequate, even excellent education doesn't necessarily give you the upper hand anymore.  Tuition needs to be less. Employers need to give graduates a fighting chance.

Confessions of a Twenty-Something Daughter Who Lost her Dad

I have learned many things since my dad passed. I have been milling them around in my mind and know that writing about them may ease the hurt I feel inside. My heart aches as I think of the memories, of the camping trips, of the valentines day flowers (without fail), of the "it'll be ok, honey's", and the warm security that he brought. 


My life has been turned upside down since he left. I moved from the big city back to my hometown suburban city. I moved back in with my mom. I left good prospects of a building client base for teaching. I left the city I felt fulfilled in. I moved back to the car-dependent, homogeneous, narrow-minded town I grew up in. I am to be moving out in a couple of weeks to be totally financially depended --for the first time in my life. Even when I lived overseas, while in college, while living in the city, I wasn't totally on my own. My dad would pay for my cell phone bill, he would keep my on his health insurance, if I needed use of a car, I could use one. 


But now, within the last two months, I:


Lost my dad to cancer 


Moved back home


Realized I couldn't get a real job with my BA degree


Decided to start grad school


Chose to move out 


Will be paying my rent, utilities, car insurance, health insurance, groceries, cell


I know that may sound like, well, duh, she is in her twenties, she should be financially responsible. She should be on her own. I have been on that trajectory for quite some time, but it has all hit the fan since my dad died. Dealing with grief on top of the turmoil of self-sufficiency and embracing adulthood is a daunting task. 


So here is the a of things I have learned since my dad being diagnosed with cancer and him passing:


#1. Never over-estimate the time you have left. Make every moment count. It does not make your faith less by cherishing moments you have now. It doesn't negate your belief that there can be a miracle, but "terminal" most likely means "terminal".


#2. Sacrifice yourself and your time while your loved one is battling a terminal illness. Work, social life, household chores, they can all wait.


#3. Don't bull-doze health care providers. Nurses, doctors, and medical staff are there to provide for your loved one. They have earned degrees. They have years of experience. Trust them.


#4. Alternative options are just that, alternative. Utilize the first options doctors give you. There is a reason why they are the first options. Grey's Anatomy's clinical trials are not real life. Look at those options after chemo, radiation, and surgery have already been assessed. 


#5. Get over the stigma of Hospice. While you are wrestling with what that decision means, realize that holding on too long is just creating more pain and suffering for your loved one. Hospice is not "throwing in the towel", it is giving your loved one more quality, pain free time here on earth when you know the days are numbered. There are many patients that come out of hospice and go on to live longer.


#6. Don't burn bridges with your family. Battling cancer and any other life-threatening illness takes a toll on the family. Emotions run high, expectations run high, and no one knows what they are doing. Those times are the most important times to be filled with kindness, compassion, and patience. 


#7. Get life insurance. I don't know where my mom would be if there was no life insurance. My father was very smart and very savvy when it came to finances. My mother has not worked in over 20 years. We were able to pay off the mortgage and the cars, she is able to live off the money until her retirement, social security, and medicare kick in. 


#8. Cling to the all-knowing, all-powerful Savior who weeps with those who weep and mourns with those who mourn. I hate to say this, but I have been tempted to scrap the whole faith thing, and just wallow in self-pity, despair, and heartache. But hope is the only thing that we can cling to. Hope in a loving Creator, hope in Eternity with HIM, hope of reconciliation with your loved ones, hope in a purpose here in earth.